Sunday, May 17, 2015

USA! USA! USA!


3 FAM 3431.1(b) - The purpose of home leave is to ensure that employees who live abroad for an extended period undergo reorientation and re-exposure in the United States on a regular basis.

Sarah and I have been in London for ten days, and we are loving every minute of it.  This is such an awesome city, and we are so thrilled to be living here for the next two years.  But more on that later.  Right now, I want to talk about Home Leave (HL).  HL is designed to help FSOs re-acclimate to life in the US after an extended time overseas.  Obviously, “overseas” in our case means just on the other side of a dry riverbed, but nevertheless, we were excited to spend a month in the US. 

Since HL is designed to help us remember “what makes America great,” I was determined to do as many “AMERICAN” things as I could during the last 30 days.  So, in no particular order, here’s my list of the most American things I did while on Home Leave.

·      Bought a pair of Levi’s.  Americans wear Levi’s.
·      Had a Double-Double animal style at the In-n-Out in Tucson, washed down with a Neapolitan shake.  The first of many burgers eaten on Home Leave.
·      Went to a baseball game during opening week in Phoenix, AZ.
·      Attended an Easter Egg Hunt.
·      Watched the sheer ridiculousness that is Furious 7 on a humongous movie screen (all the better to watch the “wrench fight” finale).  ‘MURICA!
·      Ate a Texas sheet cake made by my mom, the best cook I know.
·      Binge-watched an entire Netflix series (Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt is seriously hilarious, guys).
·      Attended a kid’s birthday party and listened to my nephew’s sweet trumpet solo.
·      Debated the merits of Carolina v. Texas BBQ, with ample edible evidence of each to weigh their characteristics.
·      Bought my son an awesome Captain America t-shirt.
·      Watched the epic series finale of one of the greatest Westerns in history, Justified.
·      Grew a goatee to look a bit more like Raylan Givens.
·      Shaved said goatee when it got too itchy.
·      Began binge-watching a different Netflix series (Daredevil is seriously awesome, guys).
·      Grilled a giant pile of meat for my in-laws.
·      Ditched my kid and went to New York City with my wife for two days.
·      Saw two Broadways shows.
·      Ate a cookie as big as my head from Levain Bakery in NYC at 1:30 in the morning.
·      Ate at my favorite quasi-Mexican food place, Café Rio, no less than five times.
·      Watched Avengers: Age of Ultron to officially kick off the summer movie season.
·      Spent hours and hours talking, laughing, and enjoying the company of my family and close friends. 

There you have it.  The most American things I could think to do over the course of two weeks in Mesa, AZ, and two weeks in Ashburn, VA.  I guess it’s time to get back overseas and back to work!

Final Thoughts on Ciudad Juarez


Hello, everyone!  I am writing to you from my eighth-floor flat overlooking beautiful West London.  Sorry for the gap in between posts, but I suppose I was just too busy moving around the world and enjoying Home Leave with my family (more on that later).  It’s hard to believe that our two years in Ciudad Juarez have come to an end.  It was so hard saying goodbye to all of the great friends that we made in the Consulate community. 

As we drove away from the Borderland for the last time on April 1st, I wasn’t sure what I would feel.  I thought I would be overcome with happiness over the fact that I had just spent my last time dealing with the horrendous Border Patrol speed bumps, and brimming with excitement since our next tour in London was right around the corner.  But it’s hard to describe how I felt.  I suppose it was a mixture of excitement, sadness, relief, longing, and a lot of other unexpected feelings.  Juarez left much more of a mark on me than I thought it would.  It will always be special to me, and it will be the benchmark upon which all future Foreign Service posts will be judged for the rest of my career.

Juarez was a fantastic place to start my career, and I really enjoyed my time there.  Of course, living in the Borderland was not without its challenges, which is why I opted to make a list of my Top Five and Bottom Five things about Juarez.  So without further ado, onto the lists:

BOTTOM FIVE

1. CBP

There is no way to describe to those who have not experienced it for themselves the bubbling rage that surfaces whenever you have to cross the border and deal with Customs and Border Patrol.  It is an unstoppable pre-programmed response that is triggered whenever you near the border.  You could be having a great day, out on a date, laughing with your wife, listening to good music, and then a black pall of despair overtakes your vehicle as you inch closer to the security checkpoints.  You  have been sucked into a zone of waiting for no reason, answering bizarre questions, and being yelled at with no explanation.  Only when you are finally past CBP and on your way to your destination does the darkness begin to lift, and you regain your senses.  There is no avoiding it; there is no escaping it.  CBP will destroy you (or at least bum you out for a few minutes).     

2. Traffic / Road Conditions

Along the same lines as CBP, one of the biggest frustrations is how much time you spend in the car: on the bridge, waiting in lines, dodging potholes, taking construction detours, etc.  Don’t get me wrong, I love Juarez, but the city’s infrastructure could use some work.  When the new lane markings you have painted onto a brand new road have completely washed off within two months, that’s a sign that you need to change some of your basic methods of city upkeep. 

3. “Sweet Dreams Are Made of These”

Since we lived right across the border, Sarah and I opted to listen to El Paso radio stations most of the time, and let me tell you, they are AWFUL.  From the DJs to the commercials to the song selection, everything is terrible.  And the weirdest thing of all, every single radio station (pop, top 40, easy listening, mix) insisted on playing the Eurythmics’ “Sweet Dreams Are Made of These” at least ten times a day.  You think I’m joking, but I heard this song on the radio at least 15 times a week.  Come on, El Paso. Don’t do this to me!  Y’all making me hate Annie Lennox.

4. Hot Hot Hot

I love that we have sun almost every day of the year in Juarez, but if there were some way to do that without it being 15,000 degrees every time you step outside, that would be awesome.  The first time we took James outside as a newborn we used a blanket to cover up the stroller and make sure he didn’t get burned.  Of course, what we were actually doing was creating a tiny little convection oven to cook our delicate little baby.  Juarez, you almost turned my infant into a baked potato.

5. Midnight Mariachi Jam Sessions 

Just stop.  Nobody likes mariachi music at 2:00am.  Nobody!  Pack up your trumpets and go home, amigos.  These gringos are trying to get some freakin’ sleep.

TOP FIVE

1. Burritos Crisostomo

Man, these burritos are good.  One chicken molé burrito, one barbacoa burrito, and a large jicama drink are all you need for a good time.  Be sure to spend the extra 10 pesos for the avocado.  

2. The Stories

When I was training in DC to come to Ciudad Juarez, everyone kept telling me, “You will have the craziest stories after two years in CJ,” and I was not disappointed at all.  Deadbeat dads, far-fetched explanations for drug arrests, even more far-fetched explanations for gang-related tattoos, and so on.  When you interview over 15,000 people in two years, you are bound to hear some weird stuff at the window.  And I’m not even including all the people I interviewed in prison (quick aside: don’t go to prison in Mexico if you can avoid it).   

3. Mi Casa

My house was a palace by US standards.  Sarah and I really lucked out in our housing assignment.  Our house was comfortable, cozy, and had great A/C.  The kitchen was fantastic, there was plenty of storage, and I had a great commute.  Happiness is a 12-minute walk to work.

4. Estadounidenses

Not to get too sappy, but the people are really the best thing about CJ.  I absolutely loved the FSOs that I worked with in Juarez.  I have never worked with such an amazing group of talented, intelligent, committed individuals who really cared about their job.  Some of the other difficulties of a city like Juarez help to create a close-knit community of dear friends.  Here’s hoping our paths cross many times over the next few years.

5. Juarenses

As much as I love the FSOs I worked with, the Locally-Employed Staff (LES) that I worked with are the heart and soul of our operation.  Many of them have been with the Consulate for decades, and their patience, kindness, and joy for life are really what made Juarez extraordinary.  The LES, and by extension the people of Juarez as a whole, are truly special.  I’ll miss you guys most of all.